What really matters?

This post is going to be rather uncharacteristic, as I usually post about my yarn/knitting obsession hobby or trivial things of that nature. This, however, is far different from anything I've posted in the past.


Just yesterday, I had planned to take my son (10 1/2 months old) and my dog to see Santa at the mall here in town. Everything was going as planned. Luther did well in the back of our station wagon (first time he'd been in it), Bird did well in his stroller at The Dawg Wash while I bathed Luther, and we wrapped that up and headed to the mall.
Determined to get my boys' picture with the man in red, we arrived promptly at 4:00, which was the time I thought I had seen posted for pet photos. I struggled to contain my unruly beast on his retractable leash while I pulled the stroller behind me with my other hand, from my parking space near the sidewalk all the way into Santa's territory.
Sadly, after all that effort (and exercise!), I looked at the sign. "Pet Photos with Santa every Monday at 6 through December 16."

6:00.

That's not 4:00.

I was two hours early. I asked the "elf" if she could make an exception. She could not. I could not bear to drive back home, get the boys unloaded and into the house, and then turn around not even an hour later to do it all over again. And after looking (glancing, really) at the prices for the photos, I'm glad I decided against it. The least expensive package was $23.00. The one for "Baby's First," however, was $40, and included all sorts of useless stuff.

Later that evening, when I went to pay for the pizzas we ordered from Dominos, which totaled less than $20, my bank card was declined. (We did have a couple of unexpected expenses, which helps to alleviate the shock, but still.)

Checking was empty. Payday is Friday.

Dinner went on the credit card.

Why am I telling you this? Because it forced me to reevaluate what's important. My entire day, yesterday, was spent preparing for something I didn't need to spend money on (and in fact, really couldn't), and then my evening was spent brainstorming what we can cut back on and do without.

Then today, my mom posted this on Facebook:

I went to Hobby Lobby in Hagerstown this afternoon. There is always a Salvation Army bell ringer out in front of the store. The one I personally like is "Eleanor". She sings Christmas carols out of the hymnal she carries with her. She always greets you with a smile, whether or not you put anything in the red kettle. Today I took time to chat with her prior to going in to shop. I learned she is homeless. She lives in her van with an adult son that has some medical issues. I listened to her tell me how faithful God has been to her. How she knows so many others that are worse off than she is. How she wants to give her less fortunate friends a little something for Christmas. She hugged me goodbye, & as I entered the store with tears in my eyes, I couldn't help but feel so very undeserving of everything I have. I shopped for things that I could've done without. I picked up a hot dinner on the way home. I came home to a warm house. Later I will take a hot shower and climb into a warm, cozy bed with plenty of blankets on top of me....while Eleanor sleeps in her van, in a parking lot somewhere, with subfreezing temps outside. I learned alot today from this little, homeless, woman. I hope we all can take a moment out of our "too busy" schedules & focus on what Christmas is really about. I pray that I never, again, take for granted what God has blessed me with and I pray, too, that everyday He will use me to somehow bless someone else like Eleanor blessed me today.

Wade and I have a good life. He has a good job with a steady, reliable income. We have a roof over our heads and food in the freezer and cupboards. Our child is healthy and smart and growing faster than I'd like. We finally have a reliable car.

I felt so small this evening, reading what Momma shared with her Facebook friends. We've been given so much, Wade and I. Why aren't we being better stewards of what God has entrusted to us?
There is no reason our liquid account should be dry. There is no reason I should feel that I have to use a credit card. If I can't pay for it out of what we have, chances are I don't need it.

These last two days have really got me thinking.

I was so concerned that "Christmas is going to be really small this year," when I should be thankful that we have the means to splurge a little and give tokens of our affection to friends and family members. But...every day should be small. We (all of us, not just Wade and me) live more extravagantly than necessary. We have more stuff than we have places to put it all. We have so many more reasons to be grateful and thankful than many folks, and it always seems that we're wanting more.

The "more" that people look for cannot be found in things. It can only be found in God. He is faithful to us. We should be faithful to him, too.

We are all blessed, whether we realize it or not, and whether we believe in God or not.

Take the time to simplify your life. I'm going to. And I think we'll all be surprised at how much richer we will be with less "stuff." We will finally be able to see past it all to look at the bigger picture.

Idle Time is Never Idle

Idle hands are Satan's workshop.

Is that how the saying goes? Well. Satan has nothing to do in my house, because my hands are always busy--holding Bird, petting Luther, washing dishes, folding laundry, doing various skirt-work tasks (thank my husband and brother-in-law for that little gem), or knitting.

Ahhh, knitting.

I had some down time this evening, so I completed a small project for myself.

Let me be honest. I sat a basket of clothes down next to me on the couch...and then I picked up my knitting. I didn't really have down time, but I made some anyway.

Back to business, though. Here's what I made:

Nothin' major, just practical. Boot stuffers. They'll keep the wind outta my boots and I don't have to contend with the full length of traditional leg warmers.

Pattern is here. It's free until October 1. After that I'll charge $1.50.

That's all I have for ya tonight.

Sweet dreams, dear reader.

I'm Still Here.

Just in case my reader was concerned, I wanted to let you know that I am still alive and kickin'. Usually, I'm just kickin' stuff out of my way as I mosey through my house/obstacle course, but still.

More to come later in the week. :)

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

So, Wade & I have decided for certain...we are going to move out of Hagerstown.

I don't know when.

I don't know where we'll go once we're out of here (either to my parents', a rental, or right into our new home).

All I know is, we're excited (and also terrified) at the thought.

:)

Invasion of the Body Snatcher

That's right...just one Body Snatcher. My body has been snatched by some loudmouthed, impatient,  sleep-deprived dairy-cow equivalent, and my husband is still the patient, mild-mannered, quiet man he's been since I met him. 

He deserves some sort of award for putting up with such a terrible excuse for a wife.

Apparently, I've been so grouchy lately that he can no longer tell the difference between my nice tone and my "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS CRAP" tone. Red flag! Someone needs to change her attitude!

I'd like to say that sleep will do the trick, but that's only part of the issue. Most of the issue lies in the unrealistic expectations I have of myself.

Our house is a disaster most days. We have more stuff than we have space. We have more laundry than we have clothing storage options. We have more mess than we (I) have time to clean up. I have to remind myself everyday that I am a stay-at-home MOM, not a stay-at-home housekeeping service. 

I'm also not a machine. I can't honestly expect to have energy for sex when I barely have energy to dress myself for public viewing. I'm usually really happy with myself if I remember to brush my teeth and put on deodorant in the mornings after my shower...that is, on the days that I actually get a shower... And because of the lack of sleep, I'm even more critical of myself because that's how I get when I'm not getting adequate sleep. I get hypercritical. And then, because I'm picking on myself and telling me how horrible of a wife I am and how awful a mother I am, I start to get depressed, and that just makes things so much worse. And that, in turn, makes me not want clean the house. It makes me want to knit or sew or crochet and play with my son because those things make me feel a little less crappy.

I used to be fun to be around. That no longer seems to be the case. So, hopefully, the Body Snatchers will return my former self and make things right in my world again. 

That's all I need. My self. And sleep. And, well, some really good lovin'.

Being a parent is hard.

Yes, I realize my son is only 5 1/2 months old, but it's true. Being a parent is hard.

When Wade and I were dating, our biggest decision/concern on any given day was what to do for dinner. When we got married, our concerns turned toward paying off debts and saving as much as we could. And then when we had Luke, our (my?) concerns seemed to grow into these gigantic snarling beasts that won't leave me alone at night.

Being a wife and a parent is hard.
If you ever feel like you don't spend enough time with your husband, have a baby. Then you'll know what it's like to really not have enough time to spend with him, let alone enough energy to stay awake long enough for any quality time.

Being a stay-home wife and mom is hard.
"Oh, it sure must be nice to be able to stay home and not work."
Yeah, it must be. Wish I knew what it was like.
Thankfully, I have been blessed with a very "easy" baby. He was not colicky. He has no major health concerns other than that pesky bubble on his shoulder, which will be removed next Thursday. He sleeps through most of the noise generated in my home, including the dog and the vacuum cleaner. He is happy, through and through. And even with all of that good fortune in the baby department, I still cannot seem to get on top of the housework. I do laundry almost every day. I constantly have dishes to do. Constantly. My bedroom is a total disaster. My guest room/finished attic/storage area is something comparable to an episode of Hoarders I once saw. The basement isn't much better. Luke's room is still, actually, being turned in to his room.

I haven't felt this inadequate as a person in about 5 years.

Does that feeling ever go away, once the kids come along and seemingly suck the life right outta ya?

I hope it does. I miss me...

a little of this, and a little of that

I've been rather busy these past couple weeks as I've begun clearing out the little room in which Luther sleeps so that I can transform it into my sewing/crafting room. Realizing that the room will be there, but moments with my son will pass and never return, I spent my day out on the front porch with him. We enjoyed the fresh air, the sounds of the birds in the trees...watched squirrels play in the grass, and did some playing of our own on a lovely handmade quilt laid out on the planks that make up our old porch.

It was a day well-spent.

Time Warp

Whoever it was that said "A baby changes everything" certainly cannot, and should not, be considered a liar.

It's been over a month since my last post. Whaaaat? Apparently, this time of year is busy whether I am teaching or not.

Time has been flying by outside the walls of my home, but inside it seems as though it is simultaneously passing quickly and dragging. My beautiful baby boy will be 14 weeks old this coming Thursday, but there's no way that's possible. Mother's Day is in less than a week. My two-year anniversary is coming up in October. And at Christmas, Little Bird will be nearly 1 year old.
But these long, drawn out nights of up-every-two-hours, the inconsolable crying due to teething pain, the endless diaper changes (I think our record is 4 in one hour) are all what help to make time seem to stand still in here, not to mention the sudden explosion of laundry in every room of our home, grass that grew a foot and went to seed overnight, and my inevitable lack of productivity.

I have pictures to post, but Little Bird is between moods right now. He's making happy sounds, but has an odd look on his face.

It may be time for a diaper change.

Howdy...

It's been nearly a month since my last post? Whaaaaat...?

I guess time gets away from me more than I actually thought. Eh. It happens when there's a baby in the mix.

Tater Tot is getting pretty big. At two months, he's already over 12 pounds. Not by much, but over nonetheless. People out at the stores will see him and say, "Ohh, look at how tiny!" and I think to myself, "They must be nuts. He's HUGE!"

Anyway. It's been a month since I last posted because there was a lot going on. I change diapers nearly every 2 hours. I feed TT almost as often as I change him. And the laundry.

Oh, the laundry.

One day, he pooped so explosively that I actually had to cut a onesie off of him. I didn't want to even attempt removing those stains... That's the worst of it, though. For now. I'm sure he'll do it again, with gusto.

Also last month, I attended a craft show as a vendor with one of my crafty friends. Let me tell you, this was the most unexciting, uneventful, unprofitable shows in the history of craft shows. We each sold only one item.

My sister-in-law (whom I love very much) bought said items.

Does it count if the only customer is a relative?

I guess I'll have to start wearing my Homeless Sweater to things like this so that people take pity on me and buy stuff (the Homeless Sweater will be explained and pictured at a later date)...

Enough of my random ramblings. I need some sleep.

Our New Normal

As with every huge life event, having a child has changed what used to be normal for my husband and me.

We used to stay up fairly late, watching nothing on television. Then we got rid of cable to save some money each month, and now subscribe to Hulu Plus. Now we don't have to be sad if Tater Tot cries through an episode of a show we wanted to watch, because we can pause it and even watch it later, while he's asleep.

We used to get a full night's sleep on a regular basis, and by that I mean we would sleep for 6 hours at least. Uninterrupted. Now, we're really excited if we get 3 hours at a time.

We used to have a bit of a social life outside our house. Now, everyone comes to us...and it's really only to see the baby, not us.

We also used to have two dogs...but the smaller of the two, who will remain unnamed, now happily resides in Grantsville, MD, on a farm with horses and many other dogs. Why? Because he began peeing on items inside our house after Luke arrived. The last straw was when he peed on Luke's jungle gym last week. I was granted permission to find other arrangements for him, which sucked, but it needed to happen. Poor thing needed more attention than we could give him right now, and he also needed more than a 50'x24' back yard to run around in.

And I used to knit almost constantly. Now, it takes me far longer to get projects done than it did before...but he's worth it. 

Life with a baby sure is different than life without.

Home Sweet Home

Well, Luke arrived on Thursday, January 31 at 7:03 pm by emergency C-section.

After an entirely healthy pregnancy, we still aren't sure what brought it on, but I developed HELLP syndrome. On the 30th, I woke up with a mild headache. While I ate my breakfast, I noticed some flashing lights in my peripheral vision. Thinking it was nothing, I took it easy all day and decided to call the doctor in the morning if it hadn't subsided.

After 2 Tylenol and a good nights' sleep, it was still there on Thursday morning.

My appointment at the doctor's office showed that my blood pressure was mildly elevated, so they ordered some bloodwork to see if anything else was going on, as well as an ultrasound to check on Luke.

At around 2:00 that afternoon, the doctor called. My liver enzyme was slightly elevated, and everything else seemed ok...but they had "discussed it, and it's time to have a baby! What time can you be at the hospital?"

I arrived at 4. They did more bloodwork. In the 5 hours since my appointment, my enzyme had gone up even further, my platelets were very low, and my blood pressure was reaching seizure magnitude.

My husband arrived at 5. By 6:30, I was being prepped for surgery and our beautiful baby was born about a half hour later.

We were both scared to death. The plan was to have as natural a birth as possible, but my doctor did make it clear that if I attempted that, there was a good chance I would seize and neither Luke nor I would survive. The C-section was the obvious way to go, and I am thankful that my doctor was honest enough to lay it out like that.

We spent 6 days in the hospital. On Thursday evening, after my surgery, I was put on a magnesium sulfate drip and had a catheter hooked up, and was ordered on bed rest for 36 hours--with nothing to eat or drink. The mag tends to cause nausea and vomiting, and they were afraid that I'd aspirate it in my sleep and complicate things further. Luckily, I do very well on meds that cause nausea and vomiting, and I did have permission to have ice and ice water. I also was taken off the drip and catheter after 24 hours! But alas, my blood pressure and enzymes kept going the wrong way, and I was back on the mag drip by Sunday morning.

Things finally started turning around when I had everyone I know praying for us and that we would get a good report so we could go home and start our new lives as a family. It worked! We were allowed to go home late Wednesday morning.

I am currently on blood pressure medication until tests reveal that I don't need it, which hopefully will be soon. It's not an inconvenience at all, but a healthy 29-year-old woman shouldn't be on that.

With all the stress and horror of the last week, it was totally worth it.

From the time I was about 4 to about 18, the most anticipated time of year for me was any time I got to go to my grandparents' house in St. Mary's County.

Maw & Grandad had a rancher located in Hollywood, MD, pretty much right on the Patuxent River. I remember excitedly packing my bag full of both summer and winter clothes, as Maw kept the thermostat at about 65--far too cold for an underweight teenager! I'd wear my flannel pajamas to bed, and have to lay pretty still, all bundled up in my cocoon of blankets in the peach bedroom, until my body heat warmed the sheets enough for me to move around comfortably, without the shock of ice cold  cotton against my skin. I'd easily fall asleep to the rhythmic sounds of Grandad's snores coming through the wall...

In the morning, I'd wake to the warm sunlight coming through the shades on the 2 windows that faced the road, the smell of coffee drifting down the hall from the kitchen, and the sounds of the morning news from the television.

She would fix me a simple breakfast and then we'd get ready for the day--usually, it entailed going to the local Amish farms and getting the produce she'd need for dinner for the week, but sometimes it also involved going to JoAnn Fabrics, or KMart, or wherever else she though she needed to go. I was just happy to be with my grandmother--it didn't matter where we went.

Upon waking this morning, barring Luther's barks to let him outside, I was immediately taken back to that time. I was warm in my bed and didn't really want to get up; when I did, I cracked open a few windows and let the warmer-than-usual air come in as I turned off the heat. The crisp air has a freshness to it that I've been missing since the weather turned cold...and the sounds of blue jays, squirrels, and various other chirping birds has me missing my grandparents and the times I was able to spend with them.

Howdy, Strangers!

Well, I must say--it's been awhile since I've found the time to sit down and contribute anything to this scintillating blog, and I do apologize to those of you that may actually look forward to reading it.

Here's a little update of what's going on, both personally and professionally:

You may have been keeping up on my Fb posts (or you may not have), but Tater Tot still hasn't come out. He also hasn't made any indication as to when he might do so. The doctor appointments are going well, and last Monday when I went, they checked to see how things were progressing. There's been some effacement, but as of January 14, no dilation. I had another appt yesterday and I chickened out on the chance to check for dilation...
The tax increases that 0 has been insisting aren't really tax increases have left my husband and I $400 poorer each month, and we are cutting corners wherever we can. Just yesterday, I called our cable company and told them I'd like to cancel our cable--I'll be turning in our box and remote later today. Wade cancelled his Gold's Gym membership--which honestly hasn't been used in over 2 years. We are in the process of trying to find out why the financial planner we went to see is charging us past due amounts on our life insurance payments, which normally equal about $450 a month. That was fine when we had the money, but now we don't. And we have a baby on the way, 2 dogs to care for in addition to the baby, my debts to pay off, and a new(to us) vehicle to purchase within the next year to a year and a half.

I told Wade if I have to drive to the guy's office in Frederick and pull the overemotional pregnant woman card, I will. And this WILL get fixed.

As for Mason Dixon Mamas, things are moving slowly. I guess most everyone else is in the same boat as we are--too many bills and not quite enough cash to go all the way around to the "comfortable" spot. Good news is, I did a fair amount of business in the month of December (over $100! That's big time, for me!), and will be doing a small craft show in March with a friend of mine that makes jewelry. You can see her shop here: www.from juliesjewelrybox.etsy.com.

I'm hoping that we both have some success and that it's better than Canal Days turned out to be.

Time will tell.

In the meantime, I'm going to get up and get moving around my house in the hopes of getting this baby coaxed out a little early.

2 weeks to go?

As many of you (I'm assuming there's more than just three people that read this--shows how narcissistic I can be) know, I am going to be a first-time mom very soon. Tater Tot's official due date is February 2, but I have a feeling he's going to grace us with his presence earlier than that. I'm hoping for the 21st so he can share his special day with my dad.

Tomorrow marks the start of my weekly appointments, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if tomorrow is my only "weekly" appointment.

There is still quite a bit of little stuff to get done around the house, like clearing out his crib of all the extra clothes that I allowed to accumulate in it, not to mention cleaning off his dresser and changing table (which is also a dresser that will double as his changing table and our linens closet), and...oh yeah! Having new vinyl flooring installed in our kitchen!

Little things, see?

And all of it will get done. It will...